Caring for yourself this Christmas
Holidays can be busy and stressful, however if you can carve out some down-time, it’s also an opportunity for some well-earned rest and self-reflection. OK, you may have more obligations than when you are at work, but it is important to honour yourself as much as others at this time of the year. Holidays can be an ideal circuit-breaker from your troubles and can provide you with space to review the year that was, reflect on who you are, and gain some perspective for the year to come, even if its for a few minutes at a time.
A difficult year
Everyone’s feeling more pressure than usual this Christmas. Australia’s cost-of-living crisis is having a huge impact on everyone, in addition to global events and existential crises. That’s on top of the universal themes of loneliness, financial pressures, social media comparisons and family dynamics, which can all trigger mental health crises. If you are struggling, please reach out and connect, because one hour on zoom, can make a huge difference.
Stave off Loneliness by reaching out for connection
Loneliness can be a trigger at this time of the year, but there are also lots of events and activities happening. As human beings, we are supposed to be supported by our “tribe”. It’s an ideal time to reach out to friends you haven’t seen for a while and connect back in with people who are important to you. If you don’t have a tribe right now, then why not brainstorm ideas for hobbies that will get you out of the house and connect you with new friends. Investigate social groups operating in your local community, or set yourself a goal of joining a club, or any activity that you will enjoy and commit to starting in the New Year. Volunteering at this time of the year can be enormously rewarding and can also connect you in with like-minded people.
For some people, however, loneliness can be exacerbated by social activities and meeting obligations for family gatherings. Have you ever been in a crowded room and felt more alone than ever? It’s not just imagination; it can be embedded in your physiology. Neuroscientists have found that even if someone has many social connections, the perception of being isolated can lead to more negative interpretations of social interactions and can increase our stress sensitivity (Vitale & Smith, 2022).
To get through the silly season, it’s important to honour yourself and your feelings. Plan ahead, keep it short, breathe and ground yourself in the present moment. If you can, attend functions with a trusted friend, but if you can’t, there are numerous techniques and strategies you can use to minimise your stress. Reaching out for a counselling session may be the answer. If you are in crisis, the helplines listed below are here to support you.
Financial Pressures
As the cost-of-living crisis swirls around us, and the RBA reports a rise in business insolvency and economic uncertainty, it’s no surprise that many Australian households are feeling the pinch this year.
Counsellors do not provide financial advice, however, putting yourself into problem-solving mode can be helpful at this time. It’s also important to note that the perception of financial strain, i.e. how worried you are about the financial pressure (even if you have a financial back-stop in place) can effect your wellbeing negatively. Organising your financial situation, for example by seeing a professional who can advise you on the options such as liquidating some assets, or moving location, represents forward-motion, which can alleviate the stress of the situation. Adopting strategies to calm your anxiety will also help you to stay in balance so that you can make good decisions.
Social Media Comparisons
Comparing yourself to others on social media is not only disheartening, studies of 18-35 year-olds have proven that “upward” comparisons (comparing yourself to the beautiful people) has a detrimental effect on self-esteem and can lead to depression (Le Blanc-Brillon et al., 2025). It’s wise to think of social media as a two-dimensional environment, and compare that to your three-dimensional reality, which is far superior for meaningful engagement and meeting human needs. This Christmas may be the time to consciously change your algorithm for healthier alternatives, ban the beautiful people and engage with people who have similar values to yours.
For under-sixteen year-olds and their families this year, the social media ban will no-doubt trigger heightened emotions on top of teenage hormonal issues. Just like alcohol or drugs of abuse, social media spikes dopamine release, and when dopamine is no-longer available it may lead to withdrawal symptoms. According to addiction.com, these can include depression, anxiety, mood swings and irritability, boredom and loneliness, sleep disorders, increased appetite, feelings of despair, grief or fear and in some severe cases, psychosis. Engaging in activities which naturally improve dopamine levels is a good thing, so lots of morning sunlight, physical activity, listening to music and having a nutritious, balanced diet will make things easier.
Understanding your nervous system
The pressures and expectations of the holiday season can create the perfect environment for emotional dysregulation. Stephen Porges, Professor of Psychiatry at the University of North Carolina, and originator of Polyvagal Theory, attributes this to an internal process known as “neuroception”. Our brains and bodies respond to cues in our environment at lightening speed to evaluate if we are safe or in danger, and responds before we have any conscious awareness of the cues. It’s a bit like when we “jump” away from the sound of a barking dog, before we even realise it is behind a fence.
Cues of danger can automatically trigger a fight/fight or even freeze response, which happens without our knowledge. So, for example, if a family member looks at you in a way you perceive to be critical; or if your bank account slips below your level of comfort; or if you feel “less than” because of beautiful, but unrealistic images on social media; or you don’t feel included, your nervous system may activate your fight/flight/freeze mechanisms. This can make you behave in a way that is defensive, or reactive, or you may withdraw or zone out.
To give yourself the best chance of managing these silent threats of danger is to prepare with self-care and to honour your own feelings.
Get some rest
If you have ended the year in a puddle of exhaustion, it’s important to get some rest and give yourself some space to de-compress. Take a day or two to relax, unwind and recharge your batteries. If this means sleeping longer than usual, that’s fine. Or if this means going for a walk in nature, giving yourself permission to flick through a magazine or read a good book, that’s also a good idea – even if it’s only for ten minutes. It’s important to communicate your intentions to those around you with some forward-planning or negotiating for some quiet time. You may be pleasantly surprised by the willingness of people to help when you ask for a break. Having time to yourself and taking care for yourself, will reap rewards for you and your family.
Breathe and Ground yourself
Using your breath is the fastest way to achieve regulation. You can use 4-7-8 breathing or box-breathing (breath in for 4, hold for 4, breath out for 4, hold for 4), however it is the long outbreath which will most effectively indicate to your nervous system that you are safe. So, you can simply breathe in twice through your nose, and breathe out slowly through your mouth to re-regulate.
Grounding is about centring yourself and anchoring to the present moment. It’s different to “earthing” (although the terms are often used interchangeably), another helpful practice where you connect with the earth and literally “ground” the electricity of your body, by walking barefoot on the beach or on the grass.
Grounding is about mindfulness. You can ground yourself at any time by simply focusing on what you are sensing. Take a couple of deep breaths and ask yourself, what do I see, what do I smell, what do I hear, and what are the sensations on my body? Focus for a few moments on each. You can also kindly check on yourself, as if you were your own best friend to identify if anything needs attention.
Gift your presence
On the theme of mindfulness, being present with your loved ones will make them feel closer toward you than any gift. When you are with others, simply pay attention, be curious and listen. You’ll be amazed at how good it makes them feel, and will unburden you from the pressures of difficult encounters.
Set healthy boundaries
If you are dreading family reunions where old wounds may be reactivated, then it’s important to set some boundaries. It’s OK to say ‘no’ to events that will not serve you, or to limit your time in unhealthy situations. Alcohol reduces inhibitions, and at this time of the year, bad behaviour can flourish, so it’s important not to react to the drama. Being the responsible designated driver and being alcohol-free gives you the chance to see things as they are, and enable you to leave when you feel uncomfortable.
Praise yourself
Times are tough with the cost-of-living crisis, and some people are struggling to make ends meet, let alone find the money for presents and Christmas activities. However, it’s still important to reflect on how much you have achieved this year, even though it may have been painful, you got through it. Take a moment to pat yourself on the back for a job well done and acknowledge that you’ve kept going even though it’s been a difficult time. Be sure to reward yourself with some self-praise for what you have accomplished. This is also the one time of the year you can treat yourself without guilt. It doesn’t have to be much, it could be as simple as an afternoon nap, but dedicate your treat to yourself, knowing it’s your private reward for your resilience.
Overall, the holidays are a time to take stock and identify what you truly need and value. When you have clarity over this, then you can move forward with purpose and positivity, taking it one step at a time. If you need help, please reach out and above all, be kind to yourself!
If you or someone close to you is in crisis, or is at immediate risk of harm, call triple zero (000).
Australian Mental Health Telephone Services
Suicide Call Back Service
www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au
1300 659 467
Lifeline
13 11 14
Financial Counselling Australia
www.financialcounsellingaustralia.org.au
1800 007 007
1800RESPECT – domestic and family violence
1800 737 732
Beyond Blue – anxiety/depression
1300 224 636
Kids Helpline – Aged 5-25
1800 551 800
MensLine Australia
1300 789 978
Open Arms – Veterans and families
1800 011 046
13YARN – Aboriginal and Torres Strait Island
13 92 76
References
Addiction Help. (2025). Warning Signs of Social Media Addiction. https://www.addictionhelp.com/social-media-addiction/warning-signs/
Le Blanc-Brillon, J., Fortin J-S., Lafrance, L., & Hétu, S. (2025) The associations between social comparison on social media and young adults’ mental health. Frontiers in Psychology. 16(1597241). https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2025.1597241
McKee-Ryan, F., Song, Z., Wanberg, C. R., & Kinicki, A. J. (2005). Psychological and physical wellbeing during unemployment: A meta-analytic study. Journal of Applied Psychology, 90(1), 53-76. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-9010.90.1.53
Porges, S. W. (2024). Polyvagal perspectives: Interventions, practices and strategies (1st ed.). W. W. Norton & Company. https://wwnorton.co.uk/books/9781324053408-polyvagal-perspectives
Reserve Bank of Australia. (2025). Financial Stability Review – October 2025. https://www.rba.gov.au/publications/fsr/2025/oct/resilience-of-australian-households-and-businesses.html#2-2-businesses
Vitale, E. M., & Smith, A. S. (2022). Neurobiology of loneliness, isolation, and loss: Integrating human and animal perspectives. Frontiers in Behavioural Neuroscience, 16(846315), 1-23. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnbeh.2022.846315